Darn, I Wish I Could Sew

My Mother used to sew everything when I was growing up, from tablecloths to potholders to the frilly-nilly dresses she made me wear to school. She bought me a sewing machine when I was four, and I think I enjoyed it until I reached an early independent stage around five, and first swore I would never be like My Mother. So, today, I have to rely on my mother-in-law to hem my pants, and spend $20 for a new cushion I should be able to whip up myself. There is so, so much we could do to be a Good Bride if we could just do a little bit of sewing. Plus, there's something so earthy about the feeling of having made something tangible. So, for Christmas, I'm going to ask Santa for a sewing machine, and start exploring what fun I can have. I really don't think it's too late. I'm looking out for a sewing machine that's easy to use and somewhat affordable, and here's the affordable Brother model I'm thinking of today. It was highly reviewed by people who sound a lot like me. One even said she made a quilt on her first day!

A Wabi Wedding?

We came across a new word today - wabi. We searched the internet for the combination "wabi wedding" and found no such references. However, the somewhat difficult-to-interpret Japanese word seems to be a compelling adjective to describe the essence of The Good Bride's perfect wedding. Did I say "perfect"? Ooops, that's rather ironic since wabi refers to the beauty of imperfection. In other words, it is the flaw, the asymetry, and quirkiness of something that gives it its true elegance and distinguishes it. Examples of things that have wabi are a crooked branch, an aged piece of pottery with a chip, a weathered barn, handmade paper or a homemade meal, or the human face. Wabi is associated with peace unencumbered by material burdens, and the transience of nature. So, clearly a wabi wedding is all that this blog is devoted to - a wedding that allows you to be your full self by embracing simplicity and the history of what has grown, bloomed, and weathered rather than that which has been mass-produced. If you have eight bridesmaids who are all required to wear their hair up even when two or three hate their hair up, your wedding definitely lacks wabi. We'll be thinking more about this in future notes.

Elopement for The Good Bride

Elopement is one of the very best and purely romantic ways to save loads of money as well as the terror associated with a traditional wedding. We so, so often hear brides say that if they had to do it all over again, they would not have not allowed someone (like Mom or MIL) to hijack their wedding, and would have escaped to the magical and blissful land of the quick, secret wedding. One of the most exciting days I had was nearly 30 years ago when my mother got married for the second time. It was a spur-of-the-moment decision, and she got married the same day she got engaged. The only ones in attendance were myself, my boyfriend at the time, and the judge. Afterwards, we took a few pictures (truly happy-looking ones), and ate lunch at a quaint restaurant. Take note, however - a nasty, sour moment occured when we met at my uncle's for dinner, and she made the announcement to her own mother who had never even met the husband. Nevertheless, they are still married today, as are many famous elopees (Sarah Palin) - just don't pull a Britney Spears and elope while intoxicated. So, is it really okay to be a Good Bride and elope? Absolutely! Some elope because they perceive that their only other choices are having a $28,000 wedding or serving punch, mints, and pimento cheese sandwiches in the church basement (of course, there are other options - that's a lot of what this blog is about). THE challenge for The Good Bride in elopement is how she tells other people. If the bride does not wish parents to be present for the elopement, she should call them the same day and break the news. If I were the mother-of-the-bride, I would also love a personal sweet email and a photographed emailed to me on the same day. Next, the Good Bride should inform as many others in her circle of closer friends and family as possible - and then try to post lots of pictures on a social network like FaceBook right away (that very day would be swell). If someone, like Mom or Dad, reacts even a little negatively to the news, understand that they are in shock, and get off the phone politely as soon as possible, letting them know when you will be visiting them.

A Used Dress? Okay, But Just Look What You Can Do with the Money, Silly Girl

"Yuck, no way am I wearing somebody else dress!" whined the unnamed bride-to-be who happens to be my daughter (and contributor and inspiration for The Good Bride). So, the average retail wedding dress is around $1600 or so. On eBay today there are just under 30,000 wedding dresses list, starting at 58 cents. So let's assume we find a once-worn dress on eBay that originally retailed for $3000 for $300. What can you do with the $1300 you saved, on the wedding dress alone? Here are some ideas:

1. Stick the funds in a savings account and add a mere $20 to it each month. At 5% compounded monthly, you'll have over $3000 in 5 years.


2. A 7-day cruise for you and your husband in the Carribean.


3. A Friday night date with your new husband every week for 10 months (2 matinee movie tickets, Mexican dinner = $30 x 43 weeks = $1330.


4. A computer, inkjet printer, scanner, and digital camera


5. 4 months of weekly hour-long massages


6. 70-150 shirts from Old Navy


7. A semester of grad school at a state university


8. Fitness club membership for you and your husband for a year


9. A band at your wedding reception


10. Holiday gifts for your mom for a very long time

Locally-Grown Reception is in Good Taste

One of the most delicious ways to be an earth-friendly Good Bride is to use locally-grown, organic foods for your reception. For example, for a Georgia wedding, menu items might be Stone Ground Whole Corn Grits, Warm Banana Bread, Tomato Basil Mozarella Salad, Peach Salsa or Chutney to accompany the meat (ham, grilled trout, chicken), and Toasted Pecans. These could be used by a caterer, but we are seeing more and more brides and grooms who are buying their own foods locally and then preparing them communally, with the help of friends. The cost savings in the latter approach could be astronomical, and in most cases, the food will taste much fresher and pleasing. These days it's pretty easy to find a farmer's market, even in small towns. In fact, LocalHrvest.org has an easy-to-use website that allows you to search for Farmer's Markets in any zip code. Even better - you can probably pick up some locally-grown, organic flowers and plants at a Farmer's Market as well for a fraction of the cost that the florist will charge. Photo by karen.fromthelbc

Blue Skies, Green Weddings, and White Daisies

We think we'll be seeing a huge increase in the number of earth-friendly wedding favors over the next months. In the interim, it takes a little more work to find something that is both eco and incredibly cute. We think these seed-paper daisy wedding favors fit the bill, particularly for a spring or summer wedding. Each packet holds 5 seed daisies and they are sold in a lot of 15 packs. The only worry is whether or not your guests will plant them or just hang on to them. The good news is that if they do get thrown away, maybe our landfills will start coming up daisies.

Is Green the New White?

No, white is still the most popular wedding dress color. But having a green wedding is no longer something only associated with being way out of the mainstream, or geeky or hippy. Amazon.com has come up with a whole new green store, and wedding dress designers are lining up like wedding guests at an open bar to get in on the new coolness factor. What's behind all this greening up? Is it that the incredible cost of gas has finally gotten people responding seriously about the depletion of resources? We think it may also have something to do with a backlash against the wedding madness of over-the-top extravagance and the now-dull perfectionism of the Martha Stewart 90s. Whatever the cause, we are glad that the Good Bride does not have to worry about being hip.

Organic YumYums for the Good Reception

While we like to advocate locally-grown food for your reception (no transportation pollution), every now and then we note something supreme in the way of organic preparation and reception or gift appeal. These Cho-Co Espresso Wedges are 100 percent organic and use fair-trade ingredients. Available from Kaikai YumYum Shop on Etsy. $12.95 for 15.

What Ever Happened to the Morning Wedding and Breakfast Reception?

We think we should strongly consider bringing back the idea of a morning wedding with the breakfast reception. There's no time of day that is sweeter, cleaner and fresher than the morning, and the idea of a new day is in concert with starting a new life. Just glancing at the catering menu of one hotel, popular as a beachside wedding site, we note that the plated dinner meals begin at $31 (for a chicken dish, salad, rolls, and vegetable, tea coffee), while their most expensive breakfast meal is $15 (eggs benedict, corn beef hash, crab, fruit, potatoes, juices, coffee). With 100 guests, this is the difference in a $3100 meal and a $1500 one (plus service charges and tax). The savings on alcohol also be substantial. Consider the difference in serving an average of 2 drinks to 100 people at $8 a drink ($1600) versus 2 glasses of champagne punch at $125 per gallon for $900.

Now what about dancing? While it may be hard to imagine a disco-type scene in the daytime, you may be able to pull off dancing (if you wish) with a beachside or poolside reception. Another idea would be to have a smaller informal gathering of close friends who like to dance later in the evening at a local pub or hangout.

Now whatever happened to the morning wedding and breakfast that was so typical at the end of the 19th century, and well into the 20th century? According to a 1905 New York Times article: weddings were moved from mornings until afternoons or evenings to ensure that the "bridegroom turn up in prime condition...whereas in the morning the chances were of his appearing decidedly seedy, to say the least." The reason? In those days, the night before the wedding was not dedicated to a rehearsal dinner, but rather a bachelor supper (and alcohol fest) which usually lasted all night long.

Here's some good menu choices for a morning wedding: Gazpacho or other cold or warm soup, Crab Souffle, Broiled Tomatoes, Stuffed Mushrooms, Cheese Grits, Melons, Muffins and Croissants with various jams and honey, juices, coffee, champagne. The centerpiece should still be the cake!

Do You Really Need a Caterer?

Okay, maybe your initial response is "YES, of course I need a caterer!" The general expectation these is that you will serve some sort of food or meal, and clearly the focus of the Good Bride will not be on garnishing the finger sandwiches and heating up meatballs at the last minute. But let's look back to the weddings of the 50s, 60s, and 70s for a bit. We recall (or have heard about) a time when wedding food usually meant either a buffet of food prepared by various friends and relatives, or cake, punch, mints, and nuts for an afternoon reception. Since that time, we've moved through an era of somewhat-affordable catering by local restaurants into very-pricey venues with often-mediocre menus priced at $25-$100 per guest. And these days, it is the exception rather than the rule to find one who will allow you to bring in your own alcohol or cake. The reasonable Good Bride should carefully consider these options when selecting a reception location. Among the better, more responsible choices:

• If your location allows, enlist the help of family and friends to prepare food a menu, incorporating favorites of the two of you. Hire someone who is not a wedding guest to take care of setup, replenishment, and cleanup. You will not only be pleased with the quality, but will save up to 90 percent.


• Use a hybrid approach, using some foods from a caterer, and other favorites that you, your family or friends have prepared. Bring your own alcohol, if you plan to serve alcohol. Enlist the caterer for the responsibility of setup, replenishment, and cleanup. This option may cost a little more than the first option, but will still save you mega-bucks, particularly on alcohol.


• Fully catered, but with simple, affordable selections. The actual food is not what the guests will remember - it is the feeling, the atmosphere, and the magic.